sailorette’s diary - a diary writen by a sailorette for her loved ones to read after returning safely home from sea

I looked up a while ago what was the meaning of my surname, Tyrer. It comes from the french word ‘tirer’ which means to pull. Ox and horses ‘tirer’ carts. These animals are thought to be very stubborn. And so it translates to human’s who are particularily stubborn*

*stub·born (stÅ­b‘É™rn)
adj., -er, -est.

1. 1. Unreasonably, often perversely unyielding; bullheaded.
   2. Firmly resolved or determined; resolute. See synonyms at obstinate.
2. Characterized by perseverance; persistent.
3. Difficult to treat or deal with; resistant to treatment or effort: stubborn soil; stubborn stains.

In my mind, being bullheaded is all the better to tackle bullshit. A special blend of stubborness and intelligence create a powerful elixir against todays modern world. Being Stubborn is setting your own standards, and living up to them. And in the end it is only you who will profit.

But don’t ask me. I’m a Tyrer.

Some of you may know, some of you don’t know, but i’ve changed jobs recently. I have gone to the ‘other side’. Completely flipped the coin. Turned from being on the tails of a male-dominated design company to the all-female heads of the client side.

And flip.

On this side I have found the freedom I perhaps took for granted, in jepardy. Gates I used to amble freely through have been locked. My macintosh has been castrated. Yet I find myself feeling strangely free. Free of distraction. And I think to myself how all those times of repression and restriction have spawned the most creative ideas.

Take capoeria, a fighting style created by the south American slaves. To disguise it from their masters, they acted it out as if it was a dance. Their masters watched with entertained eyes as the slaves built up their muscle strength and skill, all the while planning to revolt.

Entertainment is a powerful skill.

So I have all this change in my pocket. Change to purchase the things I really want.

Change to receive more change. Over and over. Recycled Loose Change.

I’m going to let you into a little secret. A secret for living. Be ugly.

I was reading lately somewhere about beautiful couples. As soon as a beautiful person goes out with another beautiful person they cancel each other out. Each is no longer beautiful. They are of equal status and forefit their beauty. If a beautiful person goes out with an ugly person, both benifit.

I have never worn much make-up. The times I have it has been more of a ritual event, a bonding experience with my fellow female friends. It is those rare times when I dabble with rouge and paint my lips pink that people remark on my appearance with appreciation. If I looked like this all the time, these people would not remark, they would not notice.

Without makeup, there is potential. Without makeup you are real.

“The worst stratergy I could pursue is self-improvement… My idea is to make ugly work in my favour. Honest is how I want to look. The truth doesn’t glitter and shine.” Survivor, p220

the time has come, my friend,
to use that intelligence in your mind,
and turn it into wisdom,
and turn it into wisdom,
that is harsh but kind.

I was lying in my bed last night
Staring at a ceiling full of stars
When it suddenly hit me
I just have to let you know how I feel

We live together in a photograph of time
I look into your eyes
And the seas open up to me
I tell you I love you
And I always will

And I know that you can’t tell me
And I know that you can’t tell me

So I’m left to pick up
The hints, the little symbols of your devotion
So I’m left to pick up
The hints, the little symbols of your devotion

I didn’t want to be special, I wanted to be myself.

Choice is a rather tricky thing. Sometimes people try to avoid it at all costs, others make life or death decisions everyday, but most of the time choice is a large thorn in the buttocks. So what happens when you face those washing powders of life? I found a rather good page here that offers some rather handy information.

The answer is its all about knowing yourself very well indeed. Once you know that, any decision is the right decision. And generally these things just work themselves out for themselves.

“After silence that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.” - Aldous Huxley

“And after a song, that which comes nearest to expressing its meanings is a cover.” - me

Loudon Wainright III: “One Man Guy� [I’m Alright; 1985]
Rufus Wainright: “One Man Guy� [Poses; 2001]

Yesterday on the bus I saw this increadibly cute little puppy lying in a rather cosy dog basket/bag. After initial ‘awwwwwwww’ing and ‘he so cooote’ I began to feel that his human mother was maybe mothering the four legged friend a little too much. Now this dog was being treated as if he/she was a human baby and it was wearing off on its’ behaviour. He was lying in his bag, belly up, sucking on a toy.
…but it was very coooote.

I strip in my sleep… supposedly. Maybe I should look into a new career…

I also had a dream about doing a drug bust last night, and I was really good at it.

My lover asks me:
“What is the difference between me and the sky?”
The difference, my love,
Is that when you laugh,
I forget about the sky.

Nizar Qabbani

An ode to my lovely geek-o
who made me this lovely blog-o
to keep all my thought-o’s
about things and my nico.

xx